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Funny StoriesAn Engineering Thesaurus — Humor
These funny lines have been applied to all kind of profession and institutions, like NASA, The Pentagon, Accounting Departments, Software Development, Research & Science, and of course Engineering.
Work Phrases — Explained
| Work Phrases Explained | |
| What They Say | What They Mean |
| Essentially Complete | It's half done. |
| Major Technological Breakthrough | Back to the drawing board. |
| Schedule exposure | It slipped three weeks ago. |
| A number of different approaches are being tried | We don't know where we're going, but we're moving. |
| Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties | We are working on something else. |
| We predict | We hope to God. |
| Screen design is lagging | Not a single screen exists. |
| The designs are well within allowable limits | We just made it, stretching a point or two. |
| Customer satisfaction is believed assured | We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all. |
| Potential show stopper | The team has updated their resumes. |
| Close project co-ordination | We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this. |
| Task force to review | 7 people who are incompetent at their regular jobs have been loaned to the project. |
| Serious but not insurmountable problems | It'll take a miracle. |
| The design will be finalized in the next reporting period | We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something. |
| Basic agreement has been reached | The &%$#@'s won't even talk to us. |
| Infrastructure | 1. The structure within an infra. 2. The structure outside the infra. 3. A building with built in infra. |
| Not well defined | Nobody thought about it. |
| Still analyzing the requirements | See previous answer: "Not well defined". |
| FYI (For Your Information) | Found Yesterday, Interested? |
| Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem | We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while. |
| Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive | The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch. |
| Results are promising | Turned power on and no smoke detected - this time. |
| The entire concept will have to be abandoned | The only guy who understood the thing quit. |
| Not well understood | Now that we've thought about it, we don't want to think about it anymore. |
| Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties | We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch. |
| Requires further analysis and management attention | Totally out of control. |
| Risk is high, but acceptable | 100 to 1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and 10 times the manpower, we may have a 50/50 chance. |
| Drawing release is lagging | Not a single drawing exists. |
| Results are being quantified | We're massaging the numbers so that they will agree with our conclusions. |
| We envision a sustainable solution | Stabilization phases are over-rated You should trust us. |
| A Number Of Different Approaches Are Being Tried | We are still pissing in the wind. |
| All New | Parts not interchangeable with the previous design. |
| Conference | Organized confusion during coffee break. |
| Customer Satisfaction Is Assured | We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered. |
| Developed After Years of Intensive Research | Discovered by accident. |
| Energy Saving | Achieved when the power switch is off. |
| Rugged | Too damn heavy to lift! |
| Lightweight | Lighter than RUGGED. |
| Low Maintenance | Impossible to fix if broken. |
| Major Technological Breakthrough | It works OK, but looks very hi-tech. |
| Preliminary Operational Tests Were Inconclusive | The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch. |
| Extensive Report Is Being Prepared On A Fresh Approach To The Problem | We just hired three kids fresh out of college. |
| Test Results Were Extremely Gratifying | We are so surprised that the stupid thing works. |
| The Entire Concept Will Have To Be Abandoned | The only person who understood the thing quit. |
| Under Active Consideration | We are looking in the files for it. |
| We Will Look Into It | Forget It! We Have Enough Problems For Now. |
| Years Of Development | One finally worked. |
| Meeting | Coffee break. |
| Advanced Design | Beyond the comprehension of the advertisement agency's copywriters. |
| Expert | A person who avoids all small errors and sweeps towards the grand fallacy. |
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