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Funny StoriesBusiness Phrases — Funny
It has been suggested that some of our staff members are not using proper terminology when dealing with other Departments. To help them "get with it", we present you a glossary of BUREAUCRATIC DEFINITIONS.
Words are tools of communication. Unfortunately, words often have different meanings for different people. Here are some humorous examples, of how a specific Slang is used.
| Business Terms | |
| What They Say | What They Mean |
| Clarification | To fill in the background with so many details the foreground goes underground. |
| Consultant | Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is then walks away with the watch. |
| Expedite | To confound confusion with commotion. |
| Coordinator | The person who has a desk between two expediters. |
| Conference | A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought. |
| Give Us Your Interpretation | I can't wait to hear this bullshit! |
| Assumptions | We assume, the whole thing is doomed. |
| Activate | To make copies and add more names to the memo. |
| Informed Source | The person who told the person you just met. |
| Reliable Source | The person you just met. |
| Unimpeachable Source | The person who started the rumor originally. |
| Top Priority | It may be idiotic, but the boss wants it. |
| Policy | We can hide behind this. |
| Note and Initial | Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up. |
| Advanced Design | Beyond the comprehension of the advertisement agency's copywriters. |
| Channels | The trail left by interoffice memos. |
| Confidential Memorandum | No time to photocopy for the whole office. |
| Close Project Co-Ordination | We know whom to blame. |
| Forwarded for Your Consideration | You hold the bag for a while. |
| In Conference | Nobody can find him/her. |
| In Due Course | Never. |
| For your Information (FYI) | I do not know what to do with this, so you keep it. |
| Let it be a challenge | You are stuck with it. |
| Let's Get Together on This | I'm assuming you're as confused as I am. |
| Negotiate | A meeting of mangers without knocking heads together. |
| Implement a program | Hire more people and expand the office. |
| See Me | Come down to my office, I'm lonely. |
| Program | Any assignment that cannot be completed by one telephone call. |
| It's Complicated | We have no clue how to do that. |
| It Is in Process | So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless. |
| Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking | We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already decided to do. |
| We are making a survey | We need more time to think of an answer. |
| Give Someone the Picture | To make a long, confused, and inaccurate statement to a newcomer. |
| Will Advise in Due Course | If we figure it out, we will let you know. |
| Meeting | A mass meeting by the masterminds where nothing will be fully decided until the next meeting. |
| Under Consideration | Never heard of it. |
| Password | That nonsensical series of characters which is scotch taped to the front of your terminal. |
| The milesstones have almost been reached | We are light-years behind. God should be the project manager. |
| We Will Look into It | By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too. |
| Re-Orientation | It is Monday. Getting used to working again. |
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