Smart Words of the English Language

A small but fine collection of witty jokes: humor and fun with and about logic.

Logic: René Descartes

René Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says and vanishes in a puff of logic.

Logic: Jean-Paul Sartre

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of 'Being and Nothingness'.
He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Funny: Mystic and Logic

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes - so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. "That little bottle - how does it know?"

Smart Logic

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Oxymoron - Phrases without Logic?

  1. Act naturally
  2. Almost exactly
  3. Alone together
  4. Business ethics
  5. Clearly misunderstood
  6. Computer security
  7. Diet ice cream
  8. Exact estimate
  9. Family vacation
  10. Found missing
  11. Genuine imitation
  12. Good grief
  13. Government organization
  14. Legally drunk
  15. Living dead
  1. Microsoft Works
  2. Military Intelligence
  3. New classic
  4. "Now, then ..."
  5. Peace force
  6. Plastic glasses
  7. Political science
  8. Pretty ugly
  9. Religious tolerance
  10. Resident alien
  11. Same difference
  12. Silent scream
  13. Software documentation
  14. Sweet sorrow
  15. Temporary tax increase
  16. Terribly pleased
  17. Working vacation

 

An oxymoron (oxymora) is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms. A long list can be found at Wikipedia

Funny Stereotypes - in different countries

  1. American history
  2. British fashion
  3. Swedish superficality
  1. Swiss pragmatism
  2. German humor
  3. French xenophilia