The Klingons are a race in the fictional Star Trek universe. Their culture is centered on honor and combat (with some resemblance to the culture of the Samurai).

Top 15 lines, likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team [Source: unknown]:

  1. A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!
  2. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
  3. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 review team to a round of Bat-Leth practice on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
  4. Behold the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
  5. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always offensive. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
  6. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi programmer.
  7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
  8. This code is a piece of crap! You have no honour!
  9. By filing this bug you have questioned my family honour. Prepare to die!
  10. I am without honour...my children are without honour... My father coded at the Battle of Kittimer...and...and...he... HE ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE MICROMANAGED. <Shudder>
  11. You question the worthiness of my code?! I should kill you where you stand!
  12. Microsoft Cooperation is actually a secret Ferengi-Klingon alliance designed to cripple the Federation. The Ferengi are doing the marketing and the Klingons are writing the code.
  13. Specs are for the weak and timid!
  14. Klingons do not believe in indentation - except perhaps in the skulls of their project managers.
  15. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!

The software development process

  1. Order the T-shirts for the Development team.
  2. Announce availability.
  3. Write the code.
  4. Write the manual.
  5. Hire a Product Manager.
  6. Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications).
  7. Ship.
  8. Test (the customers are a big help here).
  9. Identify bugs as potential enhancements.
  10. Announce the upgrade program.

Dater Loster - commonly known as "Our Hard Drive"; from the Lord's Prayer (also known as the Our Father or Pater noster).

Our Hard Drive,
which art internal
Volume C by name;
thy code be clean,
thy fonts be seen.
On screen as they are on paper.
Give us this day our documents,
and lead us not into fragmentation,
but deliver us our data.
For thine is the SCSI,
and the EISA,
and the NuBus.
Forever and Ever,
Amen.