Smart Words of the English Language

Funny Sayings

A compilation of funny sayings and short puns - keen and winged words of wisdom - This list can be an inspiration for speeches, letters, greeting cards, weddings, birthdays, and goodbye / farewell.

The pun is mightier than the word.

The road to success is always under construction. [Lily Tomlin]

All my life I've always wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.[Jane Wagner]

I worry whoever thought up the term "quality control" thought if we didn't control it, it would get out of hand.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. [Pat Sajak]

The only power you have is the word 'no'. [Frances McDormand]

Art doesn't transform. It just plain forms. [Roy Lichtenstein]

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

I don't like balance. Balance is not a word you can use in Versace fashion. [Donatella Versace]

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience ... well, that comes from poor judgment.

Answering machine message: "You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message"

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel - if there isn't, it's not a tunnel ...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person (pay attention, this one never fails - although the reverse conclusion is not always true).

Short Puns: Witty — with words, about words

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.

Why can't you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.

Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. (Socks can eat any place they want.)

Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet miss a car payment.

Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me?

That that is, is, that that is not, is not. [try understaning that without the commas set]

My favorite bumper stickers says: "All generalizations are false."

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

When one door shuts, another opens.

He who pays the piper calls the tune.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

A fool with a tool is still a fool.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

That's the silliest thing I ever assimilated. [Groucho Borg]




More funny sayings and puns about Computer & IT — smart & to the point.