Famous Sayings & Quotes

A small but fine collection of smart quotes and famous sayings, puns, aphorisms: humor and fun with and about words: quotations and puns help students to learn about homophony and polysemy. They learn to distinguish between words with similar sounds or spellings and learn about multiple meanings of words with a large semantic field. Furthermore, idiom-based jokes provide memorable contexts for idioms, which are notoriously difficult to memorize. Thus quotations and puns, help to facilitate the transition to a new language.

The origin of a saying is mostly unknown. Many famous English sayings have come from other languages (e.g. Latin, Greek, French, German), and vice versa.

Famous Sayings and Puns about Computer / PC

M$: Our software of tomorrow will make sure that on your hardware of tomorrow everything will work at the usual speed.

Who is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk?

In the beginning was the Word. The Word is NOT a trademark of Microsoft!

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated, and all your code will serve the collective! [Variation of the BORG standard greeting]

HAL 9000 [nervous]: "Dave, put down those Windows disks!!!"


Microsofts development department seems to be either braindead, or held hostage by bureaucracy.

Computer Industry Acronyms

PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
WWW - World Wide Wait
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
DOS - Defective Operating System
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft

The UNIX GUI is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.

Quotes on Truth

It is very difficult to tell the truth. [Lev Nokolaievich Tolstoy]

There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. [Somerset Maugham]

Blasphemy is a victimless crime.

Chekov's Gun: A shotgun introduced on page one must go off before the end of the story. [Anton Chekhov]

Behind every 'just joking' is a little truth!

Famous Quotes (Quotations)

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-three today and we don't know where the hell she is. » [Ellen Degeneres]

It's not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on. » [Marilyn Monroe]

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. [Abraham Maslow]

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' [Don Marquis]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. [Drew Lawson, variant: ... part of the problem]

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level - then beat you with experience. [Dilbert]

Of those who say nothing, few are silent. [Thomas Neil]

I can resist everything except temptation. [Oscar Wilde]

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. [Oscar Wilde]

A wise man talks because he has something to say; a fool talks because he has to say something [Plato]

A list of famous puns, quotes, and sayings - for various occasions.

Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. » [W. C. Fields]

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. » [Nikita Khrushchev]

Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true. » [Sir Boyle Roche]

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. » [Joseph Stalin]

War is just one more government program. » [Joseph Sobran]

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets. » [François-Marie Arouet] (also known by the pen name Voltaire)

I'd rather be vaguely right than precisely wrong. » [John Maynard Keynes]

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. [Albert Einstein, variant]

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. [Leonardo Da Vinci]

It seems that perfection is reached not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. [Antoine de Saint Exupéry]

"All ravens are black" is logically equivalent to the statement "all non-black-objects are non-ravens". » [Carl Gustav Hempel]

I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. » [Bill Watterson]

When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better. » [Mae West]

To die for an idea is to place a pretty high price upon conjectures. » [Anatole France]

Don't drink and drive, get stoned and fly!

Waiter : Would you like your coffee black.
Customer : What other colours do you have?

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading. [Steve Jobs]

Alright, alright, I apologize. I'm really, really sorry. I apologize unreservedly. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact and was in no way fair comment and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future. [A fish called Wanda]

Of those who say nothing, few are silent. [Thomas Neil]

Intellectual brilliance is no guarentee against being dead wrong. [David Fasold]

He used statistics the way a drunkard uses lampposts - for support, not illumination. [Andrew Lang]

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. [H. L. Mencken]

Time is what prevents everything from happening at once. [John Archibald Wheeler]

Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity. [Paul Goodman]

 

Quotes from "The Simpsons"

Scene in Kamp Krusty (Season: 4, Episode: 1): Bart waits impatiently for Mrs. Krabappel to fill out his report card. Their father had promised if Bart and Lisa got C averages they could go to Kamp Krusty during summer vacation.

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, in figuring out my final grades, I hope you'll note that all of my textbooks are being returned in excellent condition. In some cases, still in their original wrappings!

Mrs. Krabappel: Duly noted.

Bart: I'd also like to add, as I gaze upon your beauty, I've never seen an angel fly so low.

Later, in the Simpsons backyard, Bart is handing his report card over to Homer (having changed all the D's to A's ), but Homer quickly detects the fraud:

Bart: So I won't get to go to camp?

Homer: Now Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?